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Health & Fitness

Marching On

Parenting is a tough job. We make mistakes. Often, we learn as much as our children as we take the journey together.

My husband and I joke that we are raising two perfectly normal mediocre kids. We are not “Tiger Parents.”  Our kids don’t excel in sports or music or theater or math or science. They are pretty average in most of those areas. They won’t go on to be gifted athletes or musicians. Academically, they do alright, but they are still early in their academic careers.

Our hope is that they will grow into happy healthy adults. I want them to be kind, compassionate human beings. We hope they find someone to love and someone who will love them in return. We insist they must have good manners. It’s my firm belief that good manners get you much further in life than an Advanced Placement Government class. But that’s just me. We have great hopes, but we want to be realistic in our expectations and demands. We really, really try not to DEMAND.

On Tuesday night I attended the Band & Orchestra Banquet.  Our daughter is freshman at the high school and is a number of the bands.  It was a lovely evening filled with accolades to our wonderful and talented student musicians at Royal Oak High School. We are very fortunate in Royal Oak to have an exceptional music program, led by a team of talented and very hard working teachers/directors. Many awards were handed out to many, many talented kids. I had wanted to leave early, but she insisted we stay. I’m glad we did. She ended up receiving a VIP award for Marching Band. Now, this was a huge surprise to both of us (OK, to me, maybe not her). And here is why:

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We, as her parents, asked that she “try” Marching Band and if she hated it, she didn’t have to continue. One year and out. We promised. She was furious with us. She felt we were controlling her life, etc., (insert teenage daughter rant of your choosing here). But she did try. During the first week of Band Camp she was diagnosed with whooping cough and was on several different inhalers. She marched in the heat for long hours. She was miserable. When I picked her up each day, I’d tell her she had to say ONE positive thing about Marching Band for that day. She’d scowl and say “Mrs. Kline bakes really great cookies.” (Karen Kline is the talented, hard-working and dedicated out-going president of the ROHS Band & Orchestra Boosters). OK, so this had nothing to do with band, but it was positive.

She didn’t complain continually. But it was evident to her Dad (who along with Mrs. Kline was a Royal Oak Kimball Marching Knight back in the '70s) that she was not enjoying the whole “Marching Band Experience.”  She loved her trumpet section leader; she continually complemented the drum major and the director. She had great respect for the music arrangement and choreography. And, she did love Mrs. Kline’s cookies.

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As we sat through football games to hear and watch the band play, she would glare at us from the band section as if to say “I’m doing this BECAUSE you are making me.”  When I would cheer rambunctiously from the bleachers, she would take her free hand and make the “cut throat” signal across her neck, telling me to “knock it off.” We decided that she did what we asked, she tried it. And as you might know, you are only happy as parents as your unhappiest child. We didn’t set out to ruin her life. We wanted her to “give it a go” – and she fulfilled her obligation.

So, when she was planning her schedule for her sophomore year she called to ask me a question regarding her Geometry class. It took everything I had to not ask her about Marching Band. We made a promise and now it was time to pay. I was surprised as anyone when her schedule arrived and Marching Band was listed as one of her classes. I tried to be coy and calm. I inquired what she would like for dinner, and “Oh, by the way, I see Marching Band listed as one of your classes for next year” (insert teenage daughter glare of your choice here). I can’t remember her exact response, but it went something like: “It wasn’t all that bad” and “You and Dad seemed to really enjoy watching me march” and “I don’t really want to talk about it anymore.” And so we get to watch her for one more year.

I learned that we are fallible as parents. We make numerous mistakes, but had we not pushed we might never have known what she was capable of accomplishing.

What I want her to learn from this experience is that she can do anything she wants when she puts her mind to it. Attitude is sometimes more important than aptitude. Success sometimes isn’t measured by how much you know, but by showing up and giving it all you can. She worked hard her first year and had to overcome some major health obstacles. She was recognized for her hard work and improvement. In the end, I want her to look back on her freshman year of high school and remember all the good that came out of representing her school and community on a football field on a beautiful Friday evening. And of course, Mrs. Kline’s cookies.

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