Graduating into Life

I always wax a little nostalgic this time of year. The ending of another school year forces me to realize that our kids are slowly taking one more step away from their father and me and one more step toward adulthood. One day, much too soon, they will graduate from high school and move on with their lives. 

I can't help but reminisce about my own high school graduation and all the conflicting emotions I was feeling some 29 years ago. If you had the opportunity, what would you go back and tell your 18-year-old self? What advice would you dispense?

There is much I would tell the 18-year-old me. Marry the nice guy (which I did). Start saving for retirement IMMEDIATELY (which I didn't). Don't burn bridges (jury is still out on that one). Floss regularly and wear sunscreen (nope, not often enough).  However, I am lucky about one thing. I would not have to tell the young women in this picture is to "keep each other close. Don't lose track of each other. You will need each other in years to come, more than you will ever know."

Pictured here are three of my best friends from high school. We refer to each other as the "Holt Girls"  because we grew up in Holt (just outside of Lansing) and we graduated from Holt High School in 1982. (We sometimes refer to each other with other terms of endearment, but this is a family friendly blog). Here we are on the last day of our senior year, caps and gowns in hand, ready to graduate. Young and carefree. The world is our oyster. We had great plans and great dreams. Some realized, some not.

I have been friends with one of the Holt Girls since the second grade. Our mothers were friends and volunteered at our elementary school. I was her maid of honor in her wedding, and she was my matron of honor.  The other two I met in junior high when I was 13 or 14. I spoke at both of their weddings (one is still married, one is not. My rate of success is 50 percent when it comes to the marriages at weddings where I spoke. You might want to keep this in mind before you ask me to speak at yours).  We are on our way to turning 50, and have known each other the majority of our lives.  There is something to be said about maintaining friendships with women who "knew you before."

Before we could vote.

Before we went to college.

Before we fell in love for the first time.

Before we made mistakes.

Before we spent the night in jail.

Before we drove said person home from jail.

Before we were married.

Before a miscarriage.

Before we had children.

Before we had a child with autism.

Before we had a child with epilepsy.

Before we disappointed our parents.

Before our parents disappointed us.

Before our parents became ill.

Before our parents died.

Before our parents remarried.

Before our marriages failed.

Before we became a surrogate for our stepson and his wife, delivering beautiful twins.

Before we were diagnosed with breast cancer.

Before we underwent a double mastectomy.

Before we were Democrats.

Before we were Republicans.

Before we understood what it meant to be a Christian.

Before we were an Agnostic.

Before our oldest child graduated from high school.

Before we had courage.

Before we had wisdom.

Before we had regrets.

Before we became the women we were meant to be.

Before we understood the importance of these friendships and the role we would play in each other's lives.

Before. Before. Before.

The circumstances of the "before" that brought us together were strictly chance and proximity. Living in the same small town, being placed in the same second grade class, sharing a locker in junior high because our names were alphabetically similar.  The "after" is what has bonded us and held us together. We have faced some of life's greatest challenges. Sometimes with grace and dignity, and sometimes not. But, no matter what the crisis, we have always been there for each other. Because we knew each other "before," we have helped shape each other into the "after."

We have argued and disagreed. We have had falling-outs, break-ups and reconciliations. We value each other's opinions, even when diverging from our own. We respect our differences. We know our strengths and weaknesses and are not afraid to call each other on those weaknesses. Our faults are understood and appreciated. We love each other, unconditionally. We compliment and cajole. We laugh until we can't breathe. We tell the same stories over and over again (which irritates our spouses, but amuses us to no end).  Sometimes changing the facts, figures and players. Age has taken some of our memory; but one of us has the memory of a woman half her age. She keeps us honest.

It is hard to imagine my life without these women. We had no idea on that beautiful June day back in 1982 that we would still be together almost 30 years later. I wonder, how many of the high school seniors, taking pictures with their best friends today, will remain friends 30 years from now? Working at maintaining friendships is not an easy task. One must be diligent, humble and forgiving. But, I guarantee, we all feel it is so worth it in the end. Proximity is no longer on our side. We don't see each other as often as we would like. The complexities and schedules of daily life interfere with our getting together. But when we do, it is as if no time has passed. We pick up right where we left off. (Which usually begins with two of us insulting the other two for being late. You know which two you are.) We always toast each other and our friendship, never taking it for granted.

Congratulations and “Happy Graduation” to the Class of 2011. Dream big. Go far. Take chances. You'll make mistakes. You'll succeed. You will fail. You will have many regrets in your life, but keeping your friends close should not be one of them.